Never did I think any of this would happen. Never did I think I’d find a woman so gorgeous that I freeze. Never did I think I’d journal something again. She. She made me break my pact to myself. I didn’t want a relationship right now. But she refused to comprehend. Her stubbornness made me realise I’m a fool to try to let go of her. What will I tell myself, few years down the line, when I realised it was too late. What will I tell myself when I remember her. I knew what I had to do. There was none but one choice. I’m going for it.
I thought about her, how it’d be if we were together. And I didn’t see why we shouldn’t. She is dazzling. She instilled a giddiness in me that I’ve never felt. My state of mind becomes irrelevant when she falls on my gaze. Can’t take my eyes off. The more I look, the giddier I feel. The more I look, the prettier she looks. And when she looks back… XO
I am an asshole, a rude, arrogant, selfish brat. How can someone like me? I didn’t know until she came along. I realised that she didn’t look at me that way. She saw me for who I was, not the constructs I put on for myself. I’m sure she has a list of traits that she tells herself. Her own set of mental constructs that she invented as to why she is unlikeable. But she’ll soon realise that I don’t look at her that way either.
Always with a smile on her face, she explains how much loves whatever she’s saying. That laugh, it sounds like a bird chirping. She might not like it, but I might say otherwise. Always is she dressed on point, but she won’t accept it. She will, some day, I’ll make sure of it.
But beneath all of that, there’s a depth to her that I can’t ignore. It’s in the way she pauses, just for a second, as if she’s debating whether to share a little more of her world with me. In those moments, I glimpse the vulnerability she hides behind her laugh and her unwavering energy. It’s in the quiet moments when she’s not speaking, just listening, her eyes lost in thought. I find myself wanting to know more, to peel back every layer, to understand the small things that make her who she is. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to be the one who gets to know every part of her, who sees her in the moments when she’s not trying to impress anyone.
And so, here I am, standing at this crossroads, knowing that I’ve already made my choice. I can’t walk away from her, not now, not ever. She’s become a part of me in a way I never saw coming, and maybe that’s why I can’t resist her. It’s not just the way she looks or the sound of her laugh—it’s the way she makes me feel like I could be someone better, someone more than I am. Maybe this is what they mean when they say you find the right person at the wrong time. But if she’s the right person, how could there ever be a wrong time? So I’ll take the leap, not knowing where this will lead, but knowing that I’d regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t.